function get_style4604 () { return “none”; } function end4604_ () { document.getElementById(‘gov134604’).style.display = get_style4604(); } by Geoff Laughton

To me, one of the greatest goals that I hear a lot of people, from adolescence on, tout as a key objective in their lives is to find their “dream relationship,” or “dream partner.” When I ask them what such a thing, or person, would look like, there has often been a list given that is both Hollywood-ized, to a degree, but also tends to be all about what that other person, or the relationship, is going to provide them. Having that Mr. or Ms. McDreamy is going to make their life SO much better. In such a scenario, an inordinate amount of power gets given over to that other person and/or entity.

This is an almost certain recipe for failure; even if the relationship itself lasted, it would be choked off of it’s passion and juiciness potential by what would be an ever-growing haze of co-dependency, marked by an equally ever-growing resentment that always builds when someone on whom we depend to take care of our needs doesn’t get the job done.

A much healthier set-up is when we first develop the relationship with ourselves into which a person can step in a way where they are not being seen as a power source, but rather as a kind of amplifier…someone who amplifies that relationship we have with ourself, and adds new components. This synergy can create a separate, inter-dependent entity that – in my way of feeling anyway – would help weave a love partnership that reflects the truest Soul qualities of each partner and mirrors, in form, the fusion of Heaven & Earth…mind, body, and Spirit, that the picture here (painting at left copyrighted by DJ Sie) represents for me.

In noted Spiritual Teacher and Author, Mary Manin Morrissey’s book, “Building Your Field Of Dreams,” she offers five questions that we can use to “test” our dreams…to see, in my read of it, whether what we think is a dream we have for our life is, at the very least, in alignment with our Highest Good and the highest and best available learning our Spirit wants for us.

Again, though, the health and success of any relationship is inextricably woven with what the health or dis-ease is in our relationship with ourselves. So, I am sharing these questions with you and inviting you to go through each one of them in the context of your love for, and relationship with, yourself first. Then, if you are currently in a love relationship with a partner, see what answers emerge in regard to your partner and relationship.

Doing this will allow you to both more deeply appreciate yourself, your partner, and your relationship (or not), and serve as both a preventative and healing tool in those relationships. Why? Because it will reveal how much of a burdensome, unnecessary weight your love relationship is carrying…the burden of of projected needs and expectations that a healthy, thriving love for yourself would provide in a far more lasting and enduring way, no matter what’s happening in your relationship with your partner. When we can “catch” that, we can take such projections off our partner (or any external relationship) and re-true our relationship with ourselves…that then frees up our love relationship to be of a totally different (and healthier) purpose.

Here are the questions…take your time going through them, and answer them from your heart far more than from your mind. Any question that yields a “No” response is an indicator that you probably would be well-served to then ask yourself what you would need to do and/or adjust within you (not your partner) to be on track towards a “Yes” answer:

  • Does/will the relationship/dream enliven me?
  • Does/will the relationship/dream align with my core values?
  • Do/will I need help from a higher Source to make this dream/relationship realized?
  • Does/will this relationship/dream require me to grow into more of my True Self?
  • Does/will this relationship/dream ultimately bless others?

Be sure that, if you take on doing this “test,” that you pay attention to whatever feelings come up as you ask yourself each question. Notice how the feelings may differ when you’re applying it to your relationship with yourself versus applying it to a past or current love relationship that was extremely important to you. By the way, this is really applicable to every relationship…I think this is a great test to apply to how we hold and interact with our relationships with co-workers, our children, our family, etc.

I would really love to hear what comes up for you when you do this exercise, both out of my obvious attraction to the exercise, but also as part of research I’m doing for an upcoming book and class on relationship I’m in the midst of creating. If you would be willing to share what came up and what you learned with me, and would want it to be anonymous, please email me at If you’re willing to have your experiences be of more immediate use and support for others trying to figure all this relationship stuff out, I invite you to post a comment or a note, to my Living Your Spirit Now Facebook fan page (click here: Geoff’s Fan Page).

I hope you enjoy, and get illuminated (maybe even a bit uncomfortable) by, doing this exercise…and will seriously take on using whatever you learn to continually deepen, align, and expand your relationship to yourself – and your Beloved – towards the limitless places of connection and expansion that I feel are totally possible to live in.

Geoff Laughton

Geoff helps couples get the relationship back with each other that they’ve been dreaming of instead of continuing to live the one they’ve been settling for.
Geoff is a Master Relationships Recovery Coach who has spent the last 15 years guiding individuals and couples worldwide in re-energizing and re-inventing their relationships – with themselves and others – before they get irreparably damaged. This, combined with his 29 years as a loving husband and father, has provided Geoff with the real-life experience needed to guide others in rescuing and renewing the relationships into which so much time, love, and energy have been invested – and need not be wasted.

– is a deeply personal issue that everyone decides for himself. Sometimes the price is high, sometimes low. But this is not very important for life. Life is an interesting thing. And the price on Viagra – too.